'why must this tear my head inside out'

I want to remember everything. The past years of my life are nothing more than a blur inside my head. Especially the past 4 years. I have glimpses and it is never enough. I have lost all this time and will probably never be able to remember exactly what all happened during this time. I do remember who has done me right and who has done me or others wrong. I remember a few incidents but thats it. I don't want to forget anymore. I just want to feel normal again, if I ever did before.