there is nothing left

Why do I have nothing to show for the past 4 years of my life. I hafve done almost nothing worthwhile in all this itme. Anything I bought was clucked off for dope. I have nothing but a few friendships I have made in the past few years and yet I am always alone. I am working on this whole self reliance thing but it comes hard to me. My personality constantly seeks contact. I can't stand the presence of my past. I wish I had something physical to show besides all of my scars. any comments welcome