Sunday, December 31, 2006

happy new year everyone, may this one be better than the last...

the fun part

"I want something else to get me through this" - Third Eye Blind


I graduated high school early. I had skipped the seventh grade and then had enough credits to graduate as a junior. I only did extra activity and that was Academic
Decathlon. I was a smart one, as they say. The first time I got drunk was the night after graduation, 15 shots of vodka, I needed help in stumbling up to the door of my house. After that I was in love. I drank every weekend for over a year. Then came the introduction of weed. I never liked getting high, it always made me just plain sleepy and dizzy. I moved out at 17 and got my own apartment and then came the cocaine.

I was next door drinking tequila with my neighbors when two of my friends showed up and asked me if i wanted some coke. I do believe I said hell yeah. It was indescribable. The next thing I knew I was doing it everyday. And then one of my friends brought some meth over. And the rest is history.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

the first part of my story

‘I never thought that this is how I’d hit the floor’ – Bullet For my Valentine

I lived my life with the knowledge that I would die doing drugs. I never gave a second thought to quitting, that would mean quitting who I was. I never wanted to change. The old grandpa in ‘Little Miss Sunshine” that is how I saw myself 50 years down the road. Still getting high, still taking life for anything it gave me. I can’t believe I went to jail. I don’t even remember how it was that I was driving around.

The last thing I remember was parking my car, waiting for a friend, the next thing I was at a stop light in handcuffs. It was then while sitting in jail waiting for someone, anyone, to visit me, that I realized this was going to be it for me. All my friends on the run and in the jail told me that since it was only my first time: make it my last. The friend a few cells down from me signed for 20 years and he still has other charges pending. His newborn child was born and died while he sat in jail. County lockup wasn’t nearly as bad as you’d think, there was food to eat, time to sleep, but it was a place I didn’t want to go back to so it was time to face the music.

A virtual stranger now bonded me out after a month. I hadn’t seen him in nearly 5 months and yet he came into town and the first thing he did was bond me out of jail. Amazing. A miracle some would say, for no one else in this town was going to bond me out as had already been made apparent. And then things changed completely.

the only soul

There are days when I feel like I am the only soul on the face of the earth. All the phone calls, emails, and visits from my friends do nothing to change this feeling. I feel like the world is yet full of people at the same time. All of them nothing to me. I wonder why I must feel like this day after day. And then someone does call. I think the feeling is due to the fact that I want one person to be with me, just to be near me, and they are not. It breaks me at times. All it takes is one call to lift me from this and it is never the right person calling me.

Friday, December 29, 2006

family time

We all gave up our families in the hope that we had something better. We left them behind us, ashes in our wake. We believed they didn't want to help us and in fact were harming us by trying to keep us away from the one thing we wanted. Or we wanted to protect them from the druggie of the family. They are the only ones who ever cared about us. And we pushed them away like so many others. Now we realize we were wrong and that family is everything. They only wanted what was best for us. And now the future is created.

The +44 cd is one of the best I have heard in a long long time. check it out.